Strange Happenings

Anyone who knows me is aware that I love a good ghost story. I can also tell a good ghost story; simply ask some of my former students who heard one of my stories and suffered nightmares afterwards (I once told a story five years ago...those same students still come up to me today and ask if it was true). I suppose I inherited that trait from my Dad, who can also spin a good yarn. But I digress.

Usually, I'm not much for television. I find the typical shows vapid and meaningless, and I would much rather read a book. But occasionally I do enjoy relaxing in front of the tube, and invariably the shows that capture my interest involve the paranormal. My favorite show in this genre has to be Ghost Hunters, simply because they take a very skeptical approach to their investigations. I personally believe far to many "paranormal" events are simply misunderstood natural occurrences. So whenever something happens that is out of the ordinary, I don't automatically jump to the conclusion that it is the work of the dearly departed. However, last night something occurred that I cannot explain. Perhaps someone who reads this can help.

I am the first one up in the morning. After I woke up, I headed to the kitchen to start a load of laundry. But when I entered the kitchen, something very strange awaited me.

Every, and I mean every, cabinet door was open. On the floor in front of the bottom cabinets, a pyramid had been formed from various can goods. There were four on the bottom, three on the next level, and so on. They were neatly stacked with the labels all turned in the same direction.
But that's not all.

On the counter tops, three glasses had been placed in perfect alignment, side by side, with the patterns on the glasses also turned the same direction.

My first thought upon viewing this rather remarkable display was that my son, Gryffin, had been playing in the kitchen during the night (he has stacked things before). However, I quickly realized this could not be the case since Gryffin was still sound asleep....and while he could reach the bottom counters, he can not reach the top cabinets where the glasses are kept.

I also briefly suspected the cats, who can open the cabinets. But how would they stack the items so neatly?

My husband swears he did not do it, and I believe him. He simply doesn't have that much imagination (sorry hon, but its true).

So that is my strange happening. Perhaps we will be featured on Ghost Hunters someday in the future!

A Side Order of Narcotics, Please

Yesterday I took Gryffin out to eat at the local Pizza Hut. Apparently the restaurant had recently hired new staff; we had a regular waitress and a young "trainee" just learning the ropes. This young man hesitantly took our order while the waitress watched. I could tell he was nervous; he kept swallowing, fidgeting, and blushing.

Now, Gryffin was in a very good mood and obviously feeling boisterous. The hostess chose to sit us directly in front of the large screen television playing reruns of the Smurfs, and that didn't help matters. Pretty soon, Gryffin was doing his best to dismantle the newly built restaurant; I was doing my best to calm him down without causing a scene (in other words, without spanking him in public and getting my butt hauled to jail).

Our nervous young waiter returned with our order. While he served us, Gryffin decided it would be an excellent idea to climb the curtains....literally. I was pulling him back down, he was screeching "up, Mommy!" and general mayhem ensued (as is usually the case).

The waiter watched all this commotion, wide-eyed. After setting down our meal, he cleared his throat and shyly asked if we needed anything else.

Now, most people I know are familiar with my sarcastic wit, and my response would not shock those folks at all. However, this young man was not someone I knew.

Exasperated with Gryffin, who was once again shimmying up the curtains, I quipped, "Can you bring us some Valium, please?"

The young man swallowed, studied his menu pad, and then glanced at the other waitress. Leaning towards her, he whispered, "I don't see that on the menu. Is it a special?"

Needless to say, we left a nice tip.

Toilet Training Troubles

As you know, we are diligently trying to potty train our son. Progress has been slow. Very slow. Gryffin will sit on the potty now, and he will (usually) tell you when he needs a diaper changed, but he has yet to actually "use" the potty.

Yesterday, he asked if he could "go potty like Daddy?" We figured this meant he wanted to stand. Encouraged by his enthusiasm, we agreed and helped him into the bathroom. We stripped him down, positioned him in front of the potty, and then cheered him on (You can do it! Go pee pee! We're so proud of you!)

Unfortunately, nothing happened. After a couple of minutes, Gryffin turned to us, frowned, then pointed at himself and said "It won't work."

What in the world can you possibly say to that???

I Am Thankful

The Bible states that we should give thanks in all things. Sometimes, of course, this is difficult to do. I've noticed lately that I've been complaining a lot about certain situations in my life. As many of you know, I am studying Conscious Discipline (visit the website at www.lovingguidance.com) and one of the foundational principles of CD involves the Power of Perception. In other words, we choose how to view situations, and our viewpoint then influences our emotional response.

Therefore, I decided to readjust my thinking today. So here goes....

• I am thankful that my salary has been cut by the governor, because it means I still have a job when so many people have lost their jobs.

• I am thankful Gryffin threw a major tantrum this morning, because it means he's a healthy toddler when so many children die in infancy.
  

• I am thankful my husband takes up most of the bed, because it means he's still with me when so many people are divorced or widowed.

• I am thankful my students get on my nerves with their constant drama, because it means I have a wonderful opportunity to practice Conscious Discipline and patience.

• I am thankful that when I stood up to teach today my pants fell down, because it means I've lost weight. (I'm also thankful it occurred while the kids were at computer class!!!)

• I am thankful that putting together my grandmother's birthday party is so stressful, because it means she's still alive when others are now gone.

That's enough optimism for now. Back to being grouchy! :)

Great Last Words

As most of you know, my family has experienced a lot of death in just the last two years. My aunt, grandfather, and grandmother all died recently, as well as both of my cats. Naturally, my mind tends to gravitate towards thoughts of dying these days.

Anyhoo, I've decided that Death actually has a lot of potential for humor. For example, visit the Darwin Awards website and read accounts of people who "bought the farm" in an unintentionally hilarious manner. Yes, some of those examples are just plain tragic and sad....and I certainly don't mean to laugh at the family's pain and suffering. But sometimes you just have to laugh or go insane. While I realize my current mental state may be up for debate, I've decided to return to my sarcastic roots and enjoy the sublimely ridiculous.

In that frame of mind, I started thinking about idiotic ways to die (its surprising how many idiotic ways to die first begin with someone stating, "Get me another beer!"). While I suppose one could argue that Death itself is idiotic, nevertheless, some people exit stage left in a funny way. 1 Such thoughts led me to my next idea: wonder what those people said right before they met with fate? Speculation was rampant. Here are just a few:

Great Last Words:

• Hey, guys! Watch this!
• Hold my beer. I'm gonna try something.
• Do you think its loaded?
• These are the edible kind, right?
• This tastes a little funny.
• Nah.....it's not flammable. I'll prove it.
• Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.
• I wonder if we can deep fry that sucker?
• Poke it with that stick again, Bubba.
• I saw this on TV....
• Isn't that just the cutest little Chihuahua?

I'm sure there are many, many more possible quotations. Send 'em my way if you happen across one!

1For example, take the gentleman who recently purchased a new sports car, only to get said car stuck on a railroad track with an oncoming train. The gentleman, thinking quickly (or not), immediately left his vehicle. Unfortunately, he then ran TOWARDS THE TRAIN shouting "Stop! Stop!" One can only surmise that he was concerned about his new car.....luckily the car received relatively minor damage. The gentleman, however, was not so fortunate. (Yes, its a true story. Look it up).

What a way to start a day

Just so you know. Accidentally using cat shampoo while you are washing your hair is NOT a great way to start your day.

At least I won't have problems with hairballs.

You Know There's A Toddler Somewhere

As the (sometimes) proud mother of a 2.5 year old son, I've discovered some rather interesting insights into the world of parenting.

You know you've got a toddler in your house when.....

• You find the cat shampooed with apple sauce.
  

• You have to dig interesting objects out of the VCR or DVD.

• You know EXACTLY what will flush and what won't.

• You have Poison Control on speed dial, and when you call in they recognize your name (yes, I speak from experience).

• When your child attaches to a stuffed toy, you buy back-ups.

• Bedtime is a traumatic event.

• You ask adults if they need to "go potty."

• You can sing the words to "Dora the Explorer" from memory.

• You consider an emergency run to Wal-Mart just to buy a pacifier.

• You no longer eat out because you fear the wrath of the other diners.

• Babysitters shun your neighborhood.

• You've ever been so tired after a sleepless night that you used cat shampoo on your hair.