Toilet Training Troubles

As you know, we are diligently trying to potty train our son. Progress has been slow. Very slow. Gryffin will sit on the potty now, and he will (usually) tell you when he needs a diaper changed, but he has yet to actually "use" the potty.

Yesterday, he asked if he could "go potty like Daddy?" We figured this meant he wanted to stand. Encouraged by his enthusiasm, we agreed and helped him into the bathroom. We stripped him down, positioned him in front of the potty, and then cheered him on (You can do it! Go pee pee! We're so proud of you!)

Unfortunately, nothing happened. After a couple of minutes, Gryffin turned to us, frowned, then pointed at himself and said "It won't work."

What in the world can you possibly say to that???

I Am Thankful

The Bible states that we should give thanks in all things. Sometimes, of course, this is difficult to do. I've noticed lately that I've been complaining a lot about certain situations in my life. As many of you know, I am studying Conscious Discipline (visit the website at www.lovingguidance.com) and one of the foundational principles of CD involves the Power of Perception. In other words, we choose how to view situations, and our viewpoint then influences our emotional response.

Therefore, I decided to readjust my thinking today. So here goes....

• I am thankful that my salary has been cut by the governor, because it means I still have a job when so many people have lost their jobs.

• I am thankful Gryffin threw a major tantrum this morning, because it means he's a healthy toddler when so many children die in infancy.
  

• I am thankful my husband takes up most of the bed, because it means he's still with me when so many people are divorced or widowed.

• I am thankful my students get on my nerves with their constant drama, because it means I have a wonderful opportunity to practice Conscious Discipline and patience.

• I am thankful that when I stood up to teach today my pants fell down, because it means I've lost weight. (I'm also thankful it occurred while the kids were at computer class!!!)

• I am thankful that putting together my grandmother's birthday party is so stressful, because it means she's still alive when others are now gone.

That's enough optimism for now. Back to being grouchy! :)

Great Last Words

As most of you know, my family has experienced a lot of death in just the last two years. My aunt, grandfather, and grandmother all died recently, as well as both of my cats. Naturally, my mind tends to gravitate towards thoughts of dying these days.

Anyhoo, I've decided that Death actually has a lot of potential for humor. For example, visit the Darwin Awards website and read accounts of people who "bought the farm" in an unintentionally hilarious manner. Yes, some of those examples are just plain tragic and sad....and I certainly don't mean to laugh at the family's pain and suffering. But sometimes you just have to laugh or go insane. While I realize my current mental state may be up for debate, I've decided to return to my sarcastic roots and enjoy the sublimely ridiculous.

In that frame of mind, I started thinking about idiotic ways to die (its surprising how many idiotic ways to die first begin with someone stating, "Get me another beer!"). While I suppose one could argue that Death itself is idiotic, nevertheless, some people exit stage left in a funny way. 1 Such thoughts led me to my next idea: wonder what those people said right before they met with fate? Speculation was rampant. Here are just a few:

Great Last Words:

• Hey, guys! Watch this!
• Hold my beer. I'm gonna try something.
• Do you think its loaded?
• These are the edible kind, right?
• This tastes a little funny.
• Nah.....it's not flammable. I'll prove it.
• Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.
• I wonder if we can deep fry that sucker?
• Poke it with that stick again, Bubba.
• I saw this on TV....
• Isn't that just the cutest little Chihuahua?

I'm sure there are many, many more possible quotations. Send 'em my way if you happen across one!

1For example, take the gentleman who recently purchased a new sports car, only to get said car stuck on a railroad track with an oncoming train. The gentleman, thinking quickly (or not), immediately left his vehicle. Unfortunately, he then ran TOWARDS THE TRAIN shouting "Stop! Stop!" One can only surmise that he was concerned about his new car.....luckily the car received relatively minor damage. The gentleman, however, was not so fortunate. (Yes, its a true story. Look it up).

What a way to start a day

Just so you know. Accidentally using cat shampoo while you are washing your hair is NOT a great way to start your day.

At least I won't have problems with hairballs.

You Know There's A Toddler Somewhere

As the (sometimes) proud mother of a 2.5 year old son, I've discovered some rather interesting insights into the world of parenting.

You know you've got a toddler in your house when.....

• You find the cat shampooed with apple sauce.
  

• You have to dig interesting objects out of the VCR or DVD.

• You know EXACTLY what will flush and what won't.

• You have Poison Control on speed dial, and when you call in they recognize your name (yes, I speak from experience).

• When your child attaches to a stuffed toy, you buy back-ups.

• Bedtime is a traumatic event.

• You ask adults if they need to "go potty."

• You can sing the words to "Dora the Explorer" from memory.

• You consider an emergency run to Wal-Mart just to buy a pacifier.

• You no longer eat out because you fear the wrath of the other diners.

• Babysitters shun your neighborhood.

• You've ever been so tired after a sleepless night that you used cat shampoo on your hair.
  

Teachable Moment

Once a teacher, always a teacher. Therefore, I am passing along some life lessons I learned just this morning.

1. It is not a good idea to try and wash your face & brush your teeth when you are half-asleep. And for the record, Crest toothpaste is very difficult to wash off once you've rubbed it in really well (but my it sure does tingle!) and Neutrogena face-wash tastes awful.

2. Although its always commendable to try and get a head-start on the household chores, you might want to turn the kitchen light on when putting in a load of laundry. That way, if you've made the mistake of storing the laundry detergent (in a bright yellow box) right next to the cat litter (in a bright yellow box) you have less chance of mixing the two up.

3. Cats prefer to eat cat food, not Corn Flakes. And all the milk and sugar in the world will not improve the taste of Purina Cat Chow.

4. Never play vigourously with an infant or toddler after you've gotten dressed for the day. They have a tendency to spew like Old Faithful.

5. When you have lots of similar shoes, always check to make sure they match before you leave. Really take a good look at navy and black. In dim light, they look VERY similar.

6. Check your shirt, too. If you can see the tag, its inside-out.

All this learned just today. I can't wait to see what happens when the kids get here.

New Year's Resolutions

'Tis 2009 and time to write my annual New Year's Resolutions. It's rather pointless, really; I always abandon my first resolution sometime around January 3 and the rest fall by the wayside before the end of February. Nevertheless, in the spirit of self-improvement, I will try again.

I, Traci Conkle, do hereby resolve:

Refrain from special hand salutes when I finally pass that car doing 25 in a 70 mph zone.

Remind myself that cleanliness is simply not part of the male genome.

Not to lose my temper when some idiot takes a buggy full of merchandise through the "Ten Items or Less Express Lane."

To just smile and not think disparaging thoughts the next time someone tells me "Oh, what fun you must have as a teacher! It's like playing all day long!"

To not throw blunt objects at the television whenever some big company gets a bail out after giving their top execs special privileges.

To make sexism an equal opportunity employer. I'll open my own restaurant and employ scantily clad hunky men to be the waiters. I'll call the restaurant "Peckers."

Do my part to encourage the local economy by consuming chocolate based items.

Try my best to keep a positive outlook at school, even when the stupid copier breaks down (for the umpteenth time) right before a major test that I need multiple copies of.

Love, hug, kiss, and play with Gryffin more. Actually, come to think of it, that's not a necessary resolution because I do that anyway. But it looks good on paper.

Keep the spirit of Christmas in my heart all year long by letting my husband buy me gifts whenever the mood strikes me.

Smile politely whenever someone tells me "Oh, your son looks just like your husband! Aren't you glad?"

There. I've finished with this year's resolutions. Wonder which one will fall first?