Stupid Directions

For the past several days I've noticed my three cats scratching. Assuming they might be suffering from fleas, I decided to have them washed with flea-dip (the pesticide, not some new potato chip condiment). I checked with the local veterinarian and the cost of having all three cats "dipped" was a definite budget buster. So, being the enterprising and cheap person that I am, I decided to purchase a bottle of flea shampoo (again, to kill the fleas, not to beautify the little pests) and do the dip myself.

Big mistake.

I picked up the shampoo at Wal-Mart, went home, and locked myself and the cats in the bathroom where none of us could escape. I then filled the tub with water, squirted shamoo into the tub, and grabbed Ransom, my first cat. I dunked him in the water, held his thrashing body still long enough to wet him thoroughly, then proceeded to the shampoo. It was only then that I bothered to read the directions.

Now, I'm not usually such an idiot. And I knew that cats + water = big mess. But I was completely unprepared for what I read on the shampoo bottle. The directions are, verbatim:

"Wet cat thoroughly with warm water. Apply shampoo and lather. LEAVE ON FOR FIVE MINUTES, THEN RINSE."

Five minutes??!! Really? Have you ever tried to hold a thrashing cat in the tub for FIVE FREAKING MINUTES??!!!

Let's just say that by the time all the cats were bathed, so was I. So was the bathroom. In fact, so was the hallway because the water leaked out through the bathroom door! And when I finally let the cats out of the room, I didn't see them again for the rest of the night.

Moral of the story: make your husband wash the cats next time!